Your Delicious Life

How old were your children when you were captured in 2000?
Sahra 11, Nathan 7 and Jessica 14?

What happened to your children when you were detained?
They returned home to Australia to my parents [Ernie and Noela Stewart of Birkdale Qld]. The Australian Embassy secretly evacuated them from Laos on Christmas day.. my mum’s birthday. I was taken to the prison that afternoon when the Laos police learned that the children were gone.

How did you deal with the separation from your children, and were you able to see or communicate with them during that time?
I was completely cut off from my children for three whole months. It was at a consular access meeting that we [Kerry and I] were taken from the prison to meet the Australian Ambassador Jonathan Thwaites. Jonathan smiled and handed me his phone. ‘They’ve given you permission … but only five minutes,’ he responded. My God, had it really been three months since I waved goodbye to them that day? Where had the time gone? And yet it felt to me as if a lifetime had passed as I endured each day without ever knowing if our kids were okay, truly okay. My hand shook as I took the phone from Louise. My heart pounded in my chest. My world spun as I heard our eldest daughter’s voice for the first time in months.

I listened to the heartbreak in my children’s’ voices as they took turns to tell me how they were. I listened and I cried because they cried. I wanted to tell my family everything I’d seen and endured. I wanted them to know that they locked us in cages, mocking us through the bars. I wanted to tell them that the blue sky shone above me when they let me outside my cell, but the birds that flew overhead only reminded me of how much I longed to be free. My seven-year-old son wailed my name in anguish when I spoke to him that very first time. I couldn’t reach out to comfort him. I wanted to tell him it had all just been a bad dream. But that was impossible. My son was thousands of miles away.

You ran an International Bodyguard business for expatriots when you were captured in Laos? Did this background work for or against you during your imprisonment?
It didn’t matter because the Lao police knew who we were and what we did. I think having a security background helped because I was conditioned to stay calm in difficult situations, even when terrified.

Have you ever feared for your life, either while imprisoned or throughout your working life?
Of course the security industry is a dangerous business and there were often times when I operated in very high risk environments but I have always been confident in my ability and the capabilities of my associates. Certainly in the prison I thought that I would be killed during interrogations and at other times feared for my life when the interrogators became frustrated that they could not force us to sign false statements against our client. I feared that there would be a fire too in our cell block and we would all burn alive. I feared that the mosquitoes riddled with dengue fever would infect me and I would die just like Mr. Kylie died [Sri Lankan], who was jailed because his friend skipped on a $200 dollar phone bill and the landlord paid police to put Mr. Kylie in jail. He died right in front of me when I was trying to save his life.

How have you managed to instill a sense of security, trust and freedom within your family since your return (from prison?)
We have all come through this ordeal tremendously. My children are of course our greatest inspiration. They never gave up and they always kept remarkable spirits.

How did your experience in Laos prepare you for your second book, Families Behind Bars?
As a recognised International Humanitarian and Author I am fortunate to have many opportunities that enable me to share my views on social justice and human rights worldwide, to make a difference to other people’s lives. I receive emails everyday from families all over the world; many of them have experienced the trauma of having a loved one detained in a foreign prison. I wanted to give them a voice, to share their real life accounts that are uniquely inspirational, shockingly heartbreaking and will make others appreciate how fragile our lives really are. We may, without any warning, be plunged into a rollercoaster of despair, at no fault of our own. I never gave much thought to the importance of our human and civil rights until ours were completely violated when my husband and I were subjected to unlawful detainment and torture. I strongly believe as a consequence, that we cannot assume that we are immune from human rights violations. We cannot afford to think that bad things happen only to bad people. After all, maybe one day something quite tragic, completely unexpected or unavoidable may happen to someone we love, as it did to my family.

I hope Families Behind Bars will encourage others to think outside their comfort zone and to think about the choices they make. A split-second decision or failure to really think about the consequences can change their lives forever. But I also hope to raise the level of empathy we have towards each other, in our communities, so that we truly grasp that humans inevitably make mistakes and the majority of us can and do learn from them. We can also learn to put our troubles aside for a moment and extend a helping hand to someone who is down on their luck or in way over their head. It makes the world not as cold and harsh as it sometimes seems. This book is about the resilience of families who endure despite the odds. I hope that these stories will help give courage to others so that they endure whatever struggles they too might be facing.

Today, Kay is an advocate for human rights and the Foreign Prisoner Support Service. She has written two books: ‘Nightmare in Laos’ (about her ordeal) and ‘Families Behind Bars’ (examining the trauma of families all over the world with a loved one on a foreign prison).

For more on Kay Danes and her books: http://www.kaydanes.com